I don't remember the beginning of the story. It all got lost, brain skidded to a halt, splashing the inside of my skull with grey matter at this:
"I hit her so hard, I knocked the candy out of her panties."
Now, we always knew Miss Y was not somebody to piss off, and really nothing she said should have been a surprise, but all the same, a story that begins in Catholic girls' school doesn't usually, well - stop thinking what I know you're thinking, stop stop stop la la la I'm not listening - my eyes must have gone wide and glassy while I stared at dust motes in the air trying to parse this image.
"I hit her so hard, I knocked the candy out of her panties."
Was this a euphemism for...what? Did she literally kick the shit out of her? I looked blankly at Miss Y's husband. He shrugged back at me. No help there.
"What?" says Miss Y. She looks at me. "What?"
"Um," I say, articulately, "Candy...?"
"What, you didn't carry candy in your panties in grade school? You know, we weren't allowed to have candy, so we'd hide it in our panties, you didn't do that?"
"Um," I say, brilliantly, "Nope."
"Oh. Well, we did."
That must have been a hell of a hit.
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4 comments:
I think everyone who reads this post needs to do their damndest to get that phrase into the vernacular ASAP.
What an interesting line. This one guy I know was telling me this story. The point of which was that this one person talked a lot. It ended with this, "Man, I'm telling you. That guy could talk a dog off a meat truck." That's some talking.
It is quite a phrase. I'm not sure I'll be using any phrase that includes the words "candy" and "panties" around my parents or other sensitive ears, but I'll try to use it around fellow cretins and perverts.
*laughing heartily*
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