Friday, July 15, 2005

What's it doing way over there?

My expectations for medical tests have been lowered in recent months. Once upon a time, I would walk into the ultrasound room with an idea that the technician would turn on the machine, point her wand at me and exclaim, "Well, there's your problem!" and turn the monitor so I can clearly see a tiny demon hammering away at my gut with a pickaxe. He would peer over his shoulder at me and grin maliciously before taking a hefty swing.

"Wipe that smug grin off his face," I would announce, standing on the bed in my paper gown, shaking my fist at the monitor, "Vaporize the bastard!"

Too many times, though, the tech would prod me and gaze glumly at the monitor, clicking her mouse to bracket off bits of sludge from other bits of sludge, muttering to herself, "hmm...that could be...but I don't know..." like she was reading tea leaves. Any questions I asked would be answered with "You'll have to ask your doctor," or even a weary gesture toward the printed sign that scolded any patients who might expect answers from the technician.

Today, however, was different.

Ron the technician has a soft lamp set up in the lab, and a mobile of whales overhead, but I'm much more interested in that grainy gray sludge moving around on the monitor. He's prodding at me with the wand, when suddenly those beautiful words are spoken:

"Well, that's what's causing your problem. And it's a big 'un, too. Look at that!"

And I do, and yup, there it is. No demon, but...something. That's definitely a...thing.

"But what's it doing way over there?" adds Ron.

You got me there, Ron.


Sylvana said...

"like she was reading tea leaves"

Yeah, that is SO EXACTLY TRUE!!

monkey #5 said...

I dislike doctors. They're usually in a rush, so I forget half of what I was going to say. They don't listen to the half I do get out there. And most of them (and that includes the ones I'm friends with) are arrogant a**holes.

I had an eye doctor once dismiss my feeling that I had eye strain. Turned out, I was right and my perscription had to be lowered. My solution is to give all doctors a hard time.

Tho, come to think of it, that's my attitude toward everyone.

Chemical Billy said...

Ah, Sylvana, you have seen the white-coated oracles before...

monkey #5, that's why we love you so much.